Comparison often makes us feel like the grass is greener on the other side or that others have it better or easier than us. The truth is that comparison leads us to devalue what we have and how we see ourselves.
Social comparison theory was developed in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger, who wrote that we tend to make comparisons to evaluate ourselves. According to Festinger, the root cause of comparison is the impulse connected to the instant judgments we make of people. This is a key element of our brain’s social cognition network that traces back to the evolutionary need to assess and protect against threats.
Research shows that people who engage in comparison may find improved motivation — but may also experience dissatisfaction with themselves, feel guilt and anxiety, and may even engage in destructive behaviors like lying or disordered eating.
Strategies to Try
To stop comparing yourself and your life to others, there are several strategies you can try.
Seek Connection, Not Comparison
Social media can be used to connect rather than to compare. Instead of mindlessly scrolling and looking at what others have or are doing, send someone you know a private message, talk about shared experiences and form a genuine connection. You can also try forming in-person connections at any of the International Student and Scholar Services social events throughout the semester.
Practice Gratitude
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, practice gratitude for what you do have and for what you’ve experienced. You can start each day by listing three things you feel grateful for. You can also end your day by listing three things that happened during the day that you feel grateful for. Write the things you are grateful for on a sticky note and place them somewhere in your sight for gentle gratitude reminders.
Compare Yourself Only to Yourself
Comparing yourself to yourself is not going to cause anxiety and internal pressures. It is actually more motivating and empowering once you realize the progress and advancement you have made. You can compare yourself today to a version of yourself a month ago, a version of yourself six months ago or even yourself last year. Focus on how you have grown, how things have gotten better, what you have learned and the opportunities that you’ve pursued most recently. You may find many things to be grateful for during this reflection process, as well.
Make a List of Your Own Qualities
When meeting with students who share where they think they should be, the grades they should have and the opportunities they should pursue, it becomes clear that they are experiencing a lot of pressure, some stemming from comparisons with others. To remind yourself that you are equipped to handle those pressures, you can take a blank sheet of paper and start listing any and all the positive qualities, characteristics, values and strengths about yourself.
You can always reach out to counselors at the Counseling and Mental Health Center (CMHC) by calling (512) 471-3515 or the Crisis Line at (512) 471-2255, or by using the Timely Care and Thrive apps.
And feel free to reach out to me with questions at arna.erega@austin.utexas.edu
Yours truly,
Dr. Arna Erega, LPC
Counseling and Community Outreach Specialist
Counseling and Mental Health Center
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