Moving from your own country to study in the United States can seem like a journey of a million steps. So once you’ve done the hard work of gaining admission to The University of Texas at Austin, you might be surprised by this fact when you arrive on campus:
The journey’s not over; it’s just beginning!
The Journey Begins
As an international student, your journey starts long before you come to the U.S. Your family, mentors and advisors probably helped and supported your exploration and research of different schools and programs. Your friends at home may have encouraged you every step of the way.
Family members, immediate and extended, are proud of you for breaking the generational cycle, carving your own path and pursuing opportunities they could only dream of. Your loved ones are proud of you for overcoming what might have appeared to be an insurmountable number of obstacles and challenges, all in the pursuit of a better life.
You’re in Austin! Now What?
When you first arrive on campus, everything seems new and shiny — exciting and intriguing. Then the newness begins to wear off. After several weeks, you slowly settle into your routine and get into the “grind mentality.”
You are learning to navigate Canvas and wondering whether or not you can ask professors for guidance. You are learning to be independent, self-sufficient and self-reliant, all while studying and getting good grades.
You’re also navigating life as an adult and doing your own laundry. You’re making sure you eat a couple of healthy meals daily (which you need to prepare yourself), while trying to figure out how to avoid stressing out your parents about money, even though you cannot work in the U.S.
The Challenge
The people back home may not understand what you’re going through. They might not understand how difficult, lonely and isolating your journey here has been. They only see and hear the parts you share with them, which are never a full picture. Some things cannot be explained simply with words; they have to be felt to be understood.
Sometimes pride, and other times guilt and shame, can prevent you from sharing the whole truth with those who were once closest to you. You might push through days with a simple smile on your face, telling folks back home that “everything is OK.’ After all, who wants their mother or father — who are 8,000 miles away — to worry about something they can’t do anything about?
Struggling with Identity
No one talks about the confusion and internal turmoil you feel when living and studying in a new country, nor the multiple parts of you that fight to be seen and heard, and to be reconciled with each other.
You want to honor your home country and culture, yet also embrace the new parts of yourself that help you fit into your new school. You want to embrace the parts of your identity that have allowed you to make and maintain new friendships with people from all over the world. You want to celebrate the personal developments you’ve achieved as you’ve been figuring out life all on your own. These new parts of you are grounded in resilience.
However, you also recognize that other parts of your identity may have been based on expectations you’ve learned from your parents and family. No one talks about this when your friends and family say you have changed. You are no longer who you used to be. Family may not understand how and why you’ve changed — not because you wanted to, but because you had to, in order to belong. Because life experiences pushed you to.
Truths Nobody Talks About
No one talks about:
- The weight of the guilt you feel at studying here to pursue your dreams while your parents are growing old at home.
- The devastation you can experience when missing milestones and accomplishments of friends and family back home.
- The broken heart you feel when experiencing the loss of a loved one from a long distance. You need to to honor them, to mourn with your community and participate in your cultural traditions … but it is too expensive to fly home.
- The sensation that, after being “here” for years, you still don’t feel like you fully belong — yet you also don’t feel that you belong “there,” anymore, either.
No one talks about how difficult it is to chase your dreams while facing the harsh reality of rules, regulations and immigration challenges. Or how tiring it is to keep going, keep studying, keep learning, while at the same time missing everything you knew, everything familiar, everything that used to feel like “home.”
No one talks about it, but we know. And other international students know of these struggles, too.
How can we help?
There are many ways to share your struggles and gain support and help:
- Call the Counseling and Mental Health Center (CMHC) at (512) 471-3515.
- Use the CMHC Crisis Line (512) 471-2255 for crisis situations.
- Take advantage of Timely Care, a virtual mental health and well-being platform for current students.
- Download the Thrive App, which is designed to enhance student well-being and help students navigate through challenging times.
Join the International Student Community
You can also join the international student community at any of our outreach events.
Let’s open the dialogue about the heartache, pain, guilt and shame you might be feeling. There is help available! Let’s break the stigma, stop the cycle and ask for help.
Yours truly,
Dr. Arna Erega, LPC
Counseling and Community Outreach Specialist
UT Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center
Feel free to reach out to me with questions at arna.erega@austin.utexas.edu.
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